Smalltown Girl

Hick. Redneck.

A few of the names my city slicker friends used to describe me growing up. I resented it at the time, but now am proud of it! :)

The truth is, even though I have lived in the city since I graduated highschool, I am a smalltown girl. I always will be. I can't get it out of my blood. It has helped shaped me, and I am thankful for that.

We don't live right in the city, but it's not the same as living in a smalltown. We still go to the city to run all our errands, or for "costly" entertainment. But there are some days, like today, that I miss the smalltown feeling. Sometimes I feel like I stand out like a sore thumb in the city.

I actually lived in a big city, Hamilton, until the age of ten. When we moved, I cried for almost 4 months because I wanted to go back. Little did I know I would get so attached. Since that four months I have not once cried for my "days in the city". However, I can say I've shed tears over missing the small town.

Sometimes I long for those days when going "out" means finding a spot in the bush to have a bonfire, roasting marshmallows and hotdogs, or finding some rocks to jump off of into the lake, or going fishing or hiking. I miss the winter days of wearing ten layers of winter gear to go out snowmobiling, or skating on the lake, or tubing down our favorite camp hill. When we wanted to hang out indoors we went to someone's house and played board games, watched movies, or listened to music.

Before I went to college, I had only been to a sit down restaurant a handful of times. I had never heard of Pita Pit, Kesley's, or Montana's. We had one movie theatre that played one movie twice a week. We didn't have a mall to go "hang out in".

Sounds boring to most, but to be honest, I find myself more bored in the city than the smalltown. I guess a part of me will always still be in the smalltown, no matter where I go.

Temper Tantrums

Yes, we have officially reached the stage of temper tantrums. Maybe a little early, but Alyssa has done everything early from the moment she came into this world, so I can't say I'm surprised.

Today was one of those days that takes all your will-power to discipline and not give in. Sam and I had been rotating between time-outs and not giving attention when she throws a tantrum. But today, even after 1 time-out, there she was throwing a fit on the floor. Crying and waving her hands and legs, this went on for over 20 minutes. It seriously took everything within me not to start crying too. Even though I knew she was fine, it is heartbreaking to see my beautiful daughter so upset and beside herself, with red eyes that are starting to grow very tired. Even after a few "Alyssa, come to mommy"' 's, she wasn't budging. By that time I knew if I went to her and picked her up I'd be letting her know that if she cries long enough she'll get her way.

Alyssa has been learning quite a few words, so we have really been working on her using those words rather than whining. When it's time to get out of the crib she needs to say "up, please", or when she is done eating and wants to get out of the highchair she needs to say "all done". So I am well aware that she is capable. But in the heat of the moment my heart is arguing with my brain saying "but she's just a BABY!!!!!!"

After about 20 minutes of her tantrum this morning, Alyssa finally came over, stopped crying, and curled up in my lap. I was relieved it was over, and happy I hadn't given in, but most of all, I was finally happy I could hold her close.

I wish I could say the rest of the day has gone smoothly. Like I said, it's the temper tantrum phase here in this household. Alyssa is such a smart, strong-willed child that I know we will have so many moments of enjoyment with. I am just praying really hard that we do this parenting thing right. I thought it was scary when we brought her home, but when you truly realize how your decisions can really affect how they grow up, then it gets REALLY scary.

The US Election

This seems weird to be blogging about the US election, since I didn't about the Canadian election, but that's probably because I feel an issue that has inspired me to blog.

First of all, it is pretty weird to me that Canadians seem to be more involved and worked up about the US election, but I guess in all honesty, there has been more coverage of the US election than there was of the Canadian election. Obviously, this shouldn't be.

As many of you have probably heard by now, Obama has won the election. Now, this blog isn't to declare my opinion on who I think was the best candidate, because to be honest, although I had heard a bit, I would have needed to learn more about each candidate before making a proper decision.

My concern is about the goal of voting. It has been stated again and again how history has been made, how Obama is the first black president. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that our world is seeing past colour, and that racism is becoming a thing of the past (although unfortunately is still existent, just not as much). But it seemed like the focus of this campaign was "making history". Will the US elect their first black president, or their first woman vice president? I don't believe the candidates presented this in their campaigns, but the media was sure to press the issue.

I kept hearing last night how "history was in the making". But was wondering why the focus was on the colour or gender of the candidates, rather than who could be a better leader. This is not an argument to say Obama can't be a great leader - he very well may be. And he may very well be the better man for the job. Only time will tell, as it always does when it comes to electing presidents and prime ministers. But I pray that when people cast their vote they weren't voting to "make history" but to pick the leader they felt could best lead their country.

Anyways, like I said at the beginning, it's kind of weird that us Canadians are all concerned about the US election.

I'm Blue....

The title pretty much sums up how I've been feeling for the past two months. I'm blue. Down. Sad.

Sam and I wanted to have another baby. And we are so excited to be having another one. But me and pregnancy, we do not go well together. 24/7 I have morning sickness and am super tired, and it leaves room for little else in my life. My house is a disaster. I feel overwhelmed at the smallest task, like doing a sink full of dishes, or a load of laundry. I don't like to be cuddled or touched when I am feeling sick either. Although I miss going out, I don't like to do it too much or too long because it's exhausting. And even though I know it's not true, it feels like it will never end! I am 13 weeks today, and for most women they start feeling better. I have had days where I thought maybe there was a slight change, but then I'm hit with another rough day and so I am not so sure.

The thing is, I feel horrible feeling this way. I know there are tons of women out there who can't get pregnant, or do not have successful pregnancies, and would LOVE to be in my shoes. I know that, Lord willing, at the end of these 9 months I will be blessed with another beautiful baby. I especially know after having Alyssa, that it's all worth it. And I know that there are people going through such worse things than this. So, maybe sometimes I think it's better to keep myself locked in my house while I am miserable, because I don't want to offend anyone with any complaints. Because deep down, I know I am blessed to have this morning sickness and tiredness.

But I'm really missing some things that I can't wait to get back to normal, like taking Alyssa outside more often, or cuddling more with my husband, or making delicious smelling and tasting meals. I can't wait to play in the snow this year with Alyssa, or be able to do a bunch of Christmas baking. I can't wait to have company over and NOT use the paper plates cause I just don't have the energy to wash all those dishes.

It's the little things we take for granted. I am so blessed to have such an amazing husband and daughter who cheer me up just by being here.

Ramblings...

So, I am in the mood for blogging, but realize I have nothing really important to say. So forgive me if this blog leaves you bored, but I thought I'd just babble on for a bit.

I've developed an eye twitch. It probably started about a month or two ago. Probably too many late nights, accompanied by stress. Mainly the stress of morning sickness. On top of that, the other day I had about a couple days of heart palpitations. Apparently this is common in pregnancy, and I did have it once or twice briefly when I was pregnant with Alyssa, but never for days. I was starting to get worried, but decided to google it (which, by the way is usually not a good idea, but in this case it was) and discovered that for most people it's harmless. I chalked it up to stress, pregnancy, and eye twitching related. :)

Hmm...What else can I share? Well, my daughter is fifteen months old tomorrow. Boy, she is more of a little girl than a baby now. She is picking up words left, right, and center. We don't even have to repeat them to her anymore, she may have just heard it in passing and will start saying it. As excited as it is, like any parent, it can make you worry. Sam and I generally don't use bad language, so that's pretty safe, but we all say things we don't want our kids picking up, and it is becoming reality how much more careful we need to be. But hearing her saying words such as "peas" (please), "tank oo" (thank you), or "all di" (all done) is a feeling I hope I never forget. Her other favorite word is "Mammee" which refers to her many stuffed lambies.

Oh, and EVERYTHING is an "apple", from an actual apple, to a pumpkin, to my pink shirt. I think we may need to start reviewing our fruits...:)

I never knew being a mom could be such a gift. Alyssa has brought more joy than I could ever imagine. Watching her with her Daddy is just another thing that absolutely melts my heart. Seeing his love for our daughter is absolutely beautiful. When I am away from her I miss her, and can't wait to see her again, even if it's only a few hours. I love to check up on her when she is sleeping, just so I can look at her sleeping peacefully. I am so thankful for all the times I've had with her, and look forward to all the times I will have with her. And I am excited to feel all these things with baby #2.

Sometimes I feel that mothers are portrayed as always being overwhelmed, needing to get out of the house. I know it may be different for mothers with more than one child. But I find that I am well aware if I need to get out with my husband, or with a girlfriend, and I am not afraid to speak up and ask for that. But it's really not cause I'm overwhelmed. I'm not. Alyssa is such a good child, and so much fun. If I feel the need to get out, it's usually because I need some adult company, or some time with my husband. And sometimes, even an hour will do it. But in the meantime, I know Alyssa will be grown up before I know it, and I will have lots of time when she wants to be with her friends and not her mom. She will want her independence. So I am just enjoying this time that she is little, because I am so aware that it is only temporary. I don't think I'll ever look back and say to myself "I didn't have enough 'me' time".

Anyways, that's my post of the day....now I am going to go sneak in and take a peak at Alyssa so peacefully sleeping....

Hannah Overton

You may have heard of Hannah Overton. Until watching 20/20 last night, I had not. Hannah is a mother of five who in my opinion, and the opinion of many others, was wrongfully convicted of allowing the death of her foster son.

I won't go into too many details because you can google her name on the web and find plenty of details on the case. But the main conclusion was that the boy died of salt poisoning. How he got that salt poisoning is not clear, but there had been suggestions that he had Pica, a disorder where the person will eat non-food items. (Actually, pregnant women can also suffer from this.) Although there were many theories on how he got the salt poisoning, including one by the D.A. that Hannah force-fed this child to ingest tablespoon after tablespoon of salt. (seriously?) The conclusion in her conviction was that she did not get the child medical help fast enough, resulting in his death. Basically it was implied that she knew the child was dieing, yet didn't get help.

Hannah had stated that he seemed to have flu-like symptoms come on suddenly. After 1 hour and 50 minutes of trying a few things to help him, she and her husband drove him to emerg, which was a 5-7 minute drive down the road. They were also criticized for not calling an ambulance. He stopped breathing minutes before the hospital where she started to administer CPR.

I don't know about you, but I know there have been times with my daughter where I have paced the floor back and forth trying to decide if I should take her into emerg or if I was overreacting. I have spent hours watching her symptoms, trying to soothe her in other ways, and deciding if I should take her in. At the first sign of your child throwing up the last thing you want to do is overreact and run to the hospital.

Also, the times I have been in emerg, once for me in serious abdominal pain, barely able to walk, and crying, I did not one time think of calling the ambulance. If I could breath, and wasn't passed out, and had my husband here to drive me, that's what we did. Obviously this would have been different if I had been alone, or my condition got worse.

Hannah has been sentenced to life without parole. She is a homeschooling mom of 5 (One child was born while she was awaiting trial.) Anything anyone has said of people who truly know her has only spoken positively about her. I have been to her site and saw letters written by her, and as much of a struggle it is, you can see through her letters she is trying hard every day to rely on the strength of God. Yet, her faith was also used against her in the trial when she was seen praying.

I was up half the night last night thinking about this woman and the way that the media has portrayed her-up until now. 20/20 did an excellent show about her, but after I watched the show I went online and read past articles, and people's comments. The hatred that is shown against her is awful! However, today, after reading articles after the 20/20 show, because of the real facts coming to light, the general consensus of the public has changed, and the majority of people seem to believe in her innocence.

I ask that you pray for this woman, and her family. Her 5 kids need her at home. She also needs time to mourn the loss of the son they were in the process of adopting. She has been in jail for about a year, and I think that there are some proceedings coming up that could help free her, but in the mean time she has to sit and wait. Her husband has been a single parent of 5 kids for the past year.

I have never felt so strongly about a case. If I was honest, I'd say most of the time after hearing of a case I tend to lead more to believing they are guilty. But for Hannah, I feel 100% she is innocent. It was a death that was accidental, and no one is sure exactly how he got such a high level of sodium in his body. There are details surrounding that, and you can google those details if you like.

Please support Hannah Overton. I truly believe she will eventually be freed, but when that will be is another story. Her website is www.freehannah.com.

Frugal Living...What a Rush.

I get a rush from living frugally. No joke, I actually enjoy it. I get excited when I have managed to cut our grocery bill down and still make delicious meals, or when I find a really good bargain while shopping, or better yet, I've managed to get something for free.

When I was in college, I took an accounting class that made me absolutely giddy. When I sat down with that huge spreadsheet, a bunch of numbers, and a calculator, I knew what my challenge was. I needed to make everything balance. Maybe it was a feeling of control when those numbers worked out, but the end result gave me such satisfaction.

I get that way when I pull out my calculator, my budget, my grocery list, and my meal plan. There's a sense of power when it all works out, AND we aren't living on mr. noodles and kraft dinner to make it work.

I have collected many books, and many websites to learn different tips along the way to save money. I want to share with you some of the deals I've gotten, and some of the tips I've learned along the way.

-I found a perfectly 'retro' treadmill for $40 on kijiji.ca. I was initially suspicious of the ad, wondering how a treadmill could be so cheap, but after the sellers let me try it out at their house, I was sold. It doesn't have all the bells and whistles you would find on a newer one, but it gets the job done, ie: makes me run and burn calories.

-I don't remember the last time I paid full price for clothing. And I actually rarely buy second-hand. I actually have found the sale-racks and end of season clothing to often be cheaper than what you would pay at value village.

-We buy diapers in bulk at Costco and are able to save that way. (of course we all know cloth diapers would be cheaper, but I questioned my ability to keep up with cloth!). We pay a fee for our Costco membership, but we have saved much more in return. The only thing I would say is, do your research. Some things in bulk are not cheaper than buying them at the grocery store.

-A lot of cities have a freecycle yahoo group. This is a site where we people post stuff they are getting rid of for no price at all, all you have to do is pick it up. I got a really great cookbook I was looking for this way.

-Just wait sometimes. About a month ago I went searching for a cookbook I really, really wanted. After seeing the 30 dollar price tag, I felt I couldn't justify buying it "just because" so I left the store disappointed. However, the other day I stopped in to check if the price had gone down, and it was $13.95!!! Less than half the price i would have paid for if I just HAD to have it at that moment a month ago.

-Filler foods. There are foods that are healthy that you can add to a meal to stretch it farther. We use a lot of rice noodles in this house. Pasta works too. I also add dried beans. Most of us don't eat enough beans in our diet, and they are super healthy for you!

-We have purchased few baby items brand new. Actually, we have purchased few baby items. Alyssa is spoiled beyond belief with clothes and toys everywhere! We have bought a handful of these. Most people around you like to buy your baby things, so before you run out to get what you need for that baby, if you can wait, wait until you pass a birthday, baby shower, or Christmas, than take inventory! Of course, there are a few exceptions that I think you should buy new for baby, for example, car seats to make sure they are up to safety standards.

So, these are a few things that have saved us big bucks in the long run. And I often look around my house telling myself we need to get rid of some stuff because we just have too much. We don't suffer in any way. Like I said in my last post, we are very blessed.

In a Blink of an Eye

It's amazing how you can spend weeks, months, and even years with a certain mindset, and then with a blink of an eye everything you thought you felt can change.

For the past 3 or so years, I have struggled with trying to "keep up with the Joneses", so to speak. I watched all my friends focus on their careers, I watched all my friends buy houses and nice cars, and I felt I would only qualify as a "somebody" when I had accumulated what they had.

The truth is, it was always a battle because deep down I knew this wasn't what I wanted. I knew I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, and I knew I wanted to be truly satisfied with what I had. But I started to feel like I had less and less in common with the people around me, and began to feel like I needed to have the same things to be worth something.

Like I said, I had been feeling this way for about three years. This year was particularly hard on us financially, and I spent months and months deciding a way I could work. I found a job and was ready to start my first shift. But as I got ready to go to work, I felt sick to my stomach. I knew I was doing this for all the wrong reasons. I knew I could cut costs in other ways, and I knew that I wanted to be at home, raising my daughter, and cooking meals for my family. Sam had never wanted me to go to this job, but I insisted I "had" to do it. However, on that day, I couldn't argue or ignore God anymore.

I never started that job. And for the first time in 3 years, I went home and everything changed. I didn't feel pressure. I didn't feel stress. I finally knew what I felt God was calling me to do. But since I felt it wasn't my calling to work outside the home, I knew I had to help our situation in some way. I pulled out my books on "thrifty living", pulled out my monthly meal plan, my budget, and my calculator, and I got down to business. I decided if I wasn't going to make money, I was going to save money.

It's been about 3 months since that day, and not a day has gone by where I am trying to "keep up" anymore. True, we don't have a house, and we aren't going to buy one anytime soon, but that doesn't mean we aren't good enough. Just because I am not working now doesn't mean I will never work again. Everyday I get to see my beautiful daughter growing, and I get to be the one to serve my husband delicious meals (with the exception of the past month due to morning sickness....yeah, he can't wait until that's over!) Instead of thinking things like, "how can I make more money?" I am thinking "how am I going to teach my daughter about Jesus, and discipline, and love, ...etc." I have even toyed with the idea of homeschooling, which I would have never considered before. (Read: just an idea, I have definitely not resigned myself to it as I do not know if I could do it! :) )

I think about baby#2 on the way. As much as I enjoy having so much fun with my daughter, I know it's my job as a parent to not only think about having fun with them, but to teach them to be respectful, caring, loving, disciplined individuals. It's a good thing I have God teaching me how to do that, because the task can look scary and intimidating! But I know God will be with Sam and I every step of the way, and I know that even though I have a super LONG way to go, I want to be the wife and mother God has called me to be. The Proverbs 31 woman seems impossible to live up to, but I believe that God has set that as a standard for our role as wives and mothers.

And I want to end this post with a story about the way God works. Like I said previously, Sam and I had a very difficult year financially. I just couldn't understand why God was allowing us to struggle for so long. But I learned he was waiting for me to learn a lesson. As soon as I had changed my way of thinking, Sam got a new job and opportunities were thrown at us from all directions. Because God waited until I had changed, we were able to be responsible with this change, and still focus on what our priorities are. We are still NOT buying a house any time soon, but we are able to see how God is blessing us in every way. And we are learning to trust God to carry us through the tough times. He never left us during that year, he was doing what was best for us. I am so blessed.

A little bit of raw, a little bit of deception...

So, I don't really know if anyone out there is actually reading this blog, but whatever...it's therapeutic, so here I am, writing!

If anyone knows me well, they know I don't do pregnancy well-especially first trimester. I battle with morning sickness 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And with the first baby, it lasted 6 months. This time around, we are only at 11 weeks, so we don't know if I will get off lucky, or I will be stuck with 6 months again.

One of the things I really have been missing, is cooking...and creating meals. It is a passion for me to prepare a tasty, healthy meal for my family. But with barely being able to smell anything that is cooking, let alone eat it, it's been drastically reduced.

Shortly after Alyssa was born I changed my eating habits. I tried a few things, from the eat-clean diet, to the raw diet. I felt great on any diet I was eating healthier, but especially the raw diet. However, I stopped shortly after a month because it was very difficult to keep up with, let alone try and provide my husband with a decent meal. While I do believe in "co-ercing " my family into eating healthy, I don't believe in forcing them to try diets or lifestyles that they have no interest in.

As I have been so sick, and barely able to eat anything, when I do eat, I usually reach for something not so healthy, as it is all my stomach seems to want. I have really noticed the lack of healthful options in this house, and though I know it is temporary and important for me to eat something rather than nothing at this point, it's really starting to depress me.

Before the morning sickness hit, I had been really getting good at monthly meal plans. After doing some studying of where I want our diet to go I have decided to have a plan for the minute I start feeling like I can get off the couch. I have decided I am going to make mostly home-made, healthy breakfasts consisting of oatmeals, healthy muffins and quick breads, etc. Lunch will mainly be a raw meal, ie: salad, vegetables, nuts, seeds, fruits., sprouted crackers and breads...etc, and dinner will be a cooked meal, with a side of vegetables, but with also some vegetables sneakily pureed into the food. I just purchased the book, 'Deceptively Delicious" written by Jessica Seinfield, which is a book with many healthy recipes with added pureed vegetables hidden because her kids wouldn't eat the stuff. Now, I know there is controversy on this book, tricking your kids and "teaching" them that vegetables are bad, but I think if you do it right it can help. If the only time you give your children (ahem...or husbands...lol) vegetable is in hidden, pureed form, then yes, I don't think it's a good idea. But if it's added to the menu, along with visible vegetables, (which is actually what Jessica Seinfeld suggests) as well as other meals with vegetables in it, then I think some added nutrition is a great idea for kids who may not get what they need. Although this is all new territory for me, as my daughter is just beginning to become picky, I have watched so many parents try and convince their child to eat their vegetables. You know what I see? I see that if they can get their kids to eat at least a couple bites, than they are satisfied because it can be such a battle. To me, that's when the added nutrition can help.

Anyways, so this is my plan...I hope it works. Not only do I have a daughter who is increasingly becoming picky, but my husband LOVES a good coke, a bowl of popcorn, and chips for dinner on a regular basis. I am anxiously awaiting the day I can get back in the kitchen and make sure my family is getting what they need...and me too, because face it, you just feel better when you eat better.

Germophobes aren't so bad....

I used to think moms who carried around hand sanitizer and toilet seat covers were germophobes. Becoming a mother myself may have changed my perspective.

As my facebook status has spelled out, I have been battling the flu/bad cold all week. As I walked around the house the other night with a can of lysol, and a sponge, spraying and wiping up any area I could think of, I realized this was totally out of character for me. I knew it was too early to be nesting, but I started to question my actions.

Then it dawned on me-moms who walk around with lysol and hand sanitizer aren't necessarily germophobes...they just know what it's like to battle with a household of cold and flu germs!! Getting sick before Alyssa came along didn't seem so bad. But anyone out there with young kids know that sick children, sick husbands, and sick pregnant women can be a ghastly combination!

So, armed with my can of lysol and and hand sanitizer, and a well-ventilated room with open windows, I am determined to save at least one from this flu-Sam. He has remained sick-free which is much needed right now in his new job. Alyssa will probably bring more sickness home this winter as she chews on some toys in the nursery that have been previously chewed on just moments before. It's amazing the things you learn.

Sam and I have just started some parenting classes with our church. Last night was the first lesson. I was challenged already! Yesterday we learned about the importance of the husband and wife relationship coming first, before the children. I found it hard to swallow, as I always feel it's important to put the child first. However, as we learned last night, your children want to see that you love each other! And you can say over and over again that you "love Daddy", but it's the actions that will truly convey what you feel.

I didn't realize these classes could get emotional. On the DVD that we were watching, the speaker had asked us to remember when we were children, and when our parents were fighting, what did we do? Some of us ran to our room and cried, praying they would stop. Some of us tried to separate them. But I think all of us just wanted one thing...for them to love each other. Children need to know their household is a safe haven. They need to know that it's stable at home. And that should be priority.

Wow, learning all this kind of stuff makes me scared to raise my children. Raising kids, as we all know, is a HUGE responsibility. And they are depending on us to be loving, but to discipline, to protect them, but to not overprotect them, to guide them, but to let them learn for themselves as well.

One thing I have been very thankful for is that when it comes to raising our daughter, my husband and I are always on the same page. And if we weren't, we don't try to overstep eachother...we discuss it and decide what's best. I think it's important that children see you as a united front, and not to think that if "Daddy says no, Mommy says yes" or vice versa. I think it most likely could cause a lot of conflict in the house.

Wow, we have so much to learn...lol.

A little girl with a big faith

Emily Stauffer.
A name I had never heard of until two weeks ago. If any of you keep up with the news, you would have heard about this 14-year old girl, who's life was tragically cut short two weeks ago as she was killed while out for a walk in the middle of the afternoon.

Since I first read the story, I felt so upset for the family. But for some reason, I just wanted to know more about this girl. I came across a blog her father, who is a pastor as well, has written. I also came across a facebook group full of messages, from friends and strangers alike. But it was the messages from people who knew her that told the story of who this girl was, and why she has inspired me.

Although Emily had hobbies just like any other 14 year old girl, enjoying photography, horses, and nature, there is something that I think really set her apart. She seemed to know that earth was not her permanent home, and she was anticipating the day she would be with Jesus. I know personally for me, as a Christian, I believe in life after death, but I can't say I want to pack up my bags today and leave my life behind. When my best friend and I were in highschool we used to say, "I can't wait till Jesus comes back...but I hope he waits until after I get married and have kids!" And now that I am married and have kids I think, "Lord, please, just let me see my kids grow up." I live as if I have life to finish living on Earth before I get to Heaven. I am excited for Heaven, but in due time. Yet, this little girl, Emily, who was just 14, was ready to leave her life behind and be with Jesus because she knew that her earthly home was just temporary, and what was next is so much better. She knew that as great as her life was on this earth, this was nothing compared to the joys and riches she would experience in Heaven.

Her family has had tremendous strength through this whole ordeal. Actually, no, I shouldn't say strength, because on their blog they have been very clear that they are the weakest they have ever been. What I should say is that they have tremendous trust. Trust that Emily is with God. Trust that He will make good come out of this horrible situation. Trust that He will see them through this.

I have learned so much about this girl through facebook, and the family's blog, and I can't help being reminded that the only reason I know this girl exists is under the tragic circumstances. I most likely would have never heard of her otherwise. But she has touched my heart and changed me, and looking at the thousands of people in her facebook group I can only imagine that she has touched other lives. With a child-like faith, and a heart of gold that comes through the stories from her friends I know she will be very missed. But I too, believe that she is in a better place, and for her, she's where she's been longing to be...home.

And here we go again...

Well, I forgot about this blog for quite some time, but now I am back at it. This is perfect timing for blogging in my life right now, as I can't seem to accomplish much else. Sam and I have recently discovered we are expecting again. 8 weeks into my pregnancy and I am discovering it can be harder the second time around. The morning sickness (morning?? Ha...more like, all day, every moment sickness) is back with a vengeance, and I find myself stuffing my face with whatever I can handle while I lay on the couch and try to entertain my toddler. Alyssa has been pretty good, so I can't complain. However, every once in a while I have to remind myself that it's time to feed her lunch, seeing as I am not eating too much these days. I am looking forward to feeling a little like myself again, hopefully in 4 or so weeks.

It's amazing how pregnancy can make you worry. I mean, being a mom in general makes you worry, but I find now that I am pregnant again I am worrying much more than usual, which is too much!! Chalk it up to hormones, I don't know, but I keep telling myself to calm down! Of course, the media doesn't help too much with that. I am actually starting to dislike watching Oprah. Some of her information just doesn't make sense to me, or I think I'd be better off without it. For instance, the other day I watched a show on dry drowning. I'm not going to go into details, cause I don't want to worry anyone. My point is, I watched it, and added one more thing to the list to worry about. Later however, I told myself I have to let it go, cause I can't worry about everything, I have to let my children live their life to the fullest filled with adventure and excitement!

So, yeah...that concludes my first post....maybe I'll wait for a few posts until I advertise my blog...