It's amazing how you can spend weeks, months, and even years with a certain mindset, and then with a blink of an eye everything you thought you felt can change.
For the past 3 or so years, I have struggled with trying to "keep up with the Joneses", so to speak. I watched all my friends focus on their careers, I watched all my friends buy houses and nice cars, and I felt I would only qualify as a "somebody" when I had accumulated what they had.
The truth is, it was always a battle because deep down I knew this wasn't what I wanted. I knew I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, and I knew I wanted to be truly satisfied with what I had. But I started to feel like I had less and less in common with the people around me, and began to feel like I needed to have the same things to be worth something.
Like I said, I had been feeling this way for about three years. This year was particularly hard on us financially, and I spent months and months deciding a way I could work. I found a job and was ready to start my first shift. But as I got ready to go to work, I felt sick to my stomach. I knew I was doing this for all the wrong reasons. I knew I could cut costs in other ways, and I knew that I wanted to be at home, raising my daughter, and cooking meals for my family. Sam had never wanted me to go to this job, but I insisted I "had" to do it. However, on that day, I couldn't argue or ignore God anymore.
I never started that job. And for the first time in 3 years, I went home and everything changed. I didn't feel pressure. I didn't feel stress. I finally knew what I felt God was calling me to do. But since I felt it wasn't my calling to work outside the home, I knew I had to help our situation in some way. I pulled out my books on "thrifty living", pulled out my monthly meal plan, my budget, and my calculator, and I got down to business. I decided if I wasn't going to make money, I was going to save money.
It's been about 3 months since that day, and not a day has gone by where I am trying to "keep up" anymore. True, we don't have a house, and we aren't going to buy one anytime soon, but that doesn't mean we aren't good enough. Just because I am not working now doesn't mean I will never work again. Everyday I get to see my beautiful daughter growing, and I get to be the one to serve my husband delicious meals (with the exception of the past month due to morning sickness....yeah, he can't wait until that's over!) Instead of thinking things like, "how can I make more money?" I am thinking "how am I going to teach my daughter about Jesus, and discipline, and love, ...etc." I have even toyed with the idea of homeschooling, which I would have never considered before. (Read: just an idea, I have definitely not resigned myself to it as I do not know if I could do it! :) )
I think about baby#2 on the way. As much as I enjoy having so much fun with my daughter, I know it's my job as a parent to not only think about having fun with them, but to teach them to be respectful, caring, loving, disciplined individuals. It's a good thing I have God teaching me how to do that, because the task can look scary and intimidating! But I know God will be with Sam and I every step of the way, and I know that even though I have a super LONG way to go, I want to be the wife and mother God has called me to be. The Proverbs 31 woman seems impossible to live up to, but I believe that God has set that as a standard for our role as wives and mothers.
And I want to end this post with a story about the way God works. Like I said previously, Sam and I had a very difficult year financially. I just couldn't understand why God was allowing us to struggle for so long. But I learned he was waiting for me to learn a lesson. As soon as I had changed my way of thinking, Sam got a new job and opportunities were thrown at us from all directions. Because God waited until I had changed, we were able to be responsible with this change, and still focus on what our priorities are. We are still NOT buying a house any time soon, but we are able to see how God is blessing us in every way. And we are learning to trust God to carry us through the tough times. He never left us during that year, he was doing what was best for us. I am so blessed.
For the past 3 or so years, I have struggled with trying to "keep up with the Joneses", so to speak. I watched all my friends focus on their careers, I watched all my friends buy houses and nice cars, and I felt I would only qualify as a "somebody" when I had accumulated what they had.
The truth is, it was always a battle because deep down I knew this wasn't what I wanted. I knew I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, and I knew I wanted to be truly satisfied with what I had. But I started to feel like I had less and less in common with the people around me, and began to feel like I needed to have the same things to be worth something.
Like I said, I had been feeling this way for about three years. This year was particularly hard on us financially, and I spent months and months deciding a way I could work. I found a job and was ready to start my first shift. But as I got ready to go to work, I felt sick to my stomach. I knew I was doing this for all the wrong reasons. I knew I could cut costs in other ways, and I knew that I wanted to be at home, raising my daughter, and cooking meals for my family. Sam had never wanted me to go to this job, but I insisted I "had" to do it. However, on that day, I couldn't argue or ignore God anymore.
I never started that job. And for the first time in 3 years, I went home and everything changed. I didn't feel pressure. I didn't feel stress. I finally knew what I felt God was calling me to do. But since I felt it wasn't my calling to work outside the home, I knew I had to help our situation in some way. I pulled out my books on "thrifty living", pulled out my monthly meal plan, my budget, and my calculator, and I got down to business. I decided if I wasn't going to make money, I was going to save money.
It's been about 3 months since that day, and not a day has gone by where I am trying to "keep up" anymore. True, we don't have a house, and we aren't going to buy one anytime soon, but that doesn't mean we aren't good enough. Just because I am not working now doesn't mean I will never work again. Everyday I get to see my beautiful daughter growing, and I get to be the one to serve my husband delicious meals (with the exception of the past month due to morning sickness....yeah, he can't wait until that's over!) Instead of thinking things like, "how can I make more money?" I am thinking "how am I going to teach my daughter about Jesus, and discipline, and love, ...etc." I have even toyed with the idea of homeschooling, which I would have never considered before. (Read: just an idea, I have definitely not resigned myself to it as I do not know if I could do it! :) )
I think about baby#2 on the way. As much as I enjoy having so much fun with my daughter, I know it's my job as a parent to not only think about having fun with them, but to teach them to be respectful, caring, loving, disciplined individuals. It's a good thing I have God teaching me how to do that, because the task can look scary and intimidating! But I know God will be with Sam and I every step of the way, and I know that even though I have a super LONG way to go, I want to be the wife and mother God has called me to be. The Proverbs 31 woman seems impossible to live up to, but I believe that God has set that as a standard for our role as wives and mothers.
And I want to end this post with a story about the way God works. Like I said previously, Sam and I had a very difficult year financially. I just couldn't understand why God was allowing us to struggle for so long. But I learned he was waiting for me to learn a lesson. As soon as I had changed my way of thinking, Sam got a new job and opportunities were thrown at us from all directions. Because God waited until I had changed, we were able to be responsible with this change, and still focus on what our priorities are. We are still NOT buying a house any time soon, but we are able to see how God is blessing us in every way. And we are learning to trust God to carry us through the tough times. He never left us during that year, he was doing what was best for us. I am so blessed.
1 comment:
I couldn't agree more heartily, Amanda. I wish I was there to give you a big hug and and a"way to go, girl!!"
Nate and I have totally been through the same thing again and again...and beware, it does rear it's ugly head more than once...the whole keeping up with the Jones' and thinking you need more than you actually do.
It is a sacrifice in one sense to stay home but the benefits way outweigh any sort of "sacrifice" -- keep it up and be encouraged that you are totally doing great!
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